Hey man,

I’m glad you wrote back, letters are important in here. You spoke about things being fair. I wish! Not only for me but the countless others. The most bizarre thing is this, humanity as a whole has the means and knowledge to provide for one another in such a way that none should lack much of anything. The great wealth combined with the knowledge we have is more than capable to provide solutions for the problems of poverty and great oppression that we as a world all share. Our greed and pride is our downfall, our world leaders are blind to these things and ideals. They seem to care more about how powerful their nation is rather than look to the true needs of a people that they swear an oath to provide and protect. They spend trillions and billions of dollars on military arsenal to “protect” a nation that needs protection from ourselves. Drugs, violence, hunger, shelter, and clothing are on the backlist that is ever growing. We worry about weapons of mass destruction yet we are destroyed within our own lands. I wonder if our leaders think about the addict that is only addicted because he wishes to drown the pain of abuse they suffered. Do they see or think about the homeless that are hidden by the shadows cast by the wealthy as they pass them without even a word or hint of empathy? What about the single mom with four kids of all ages, who can’t work because she has no money to pay for the daycare. She is stuck with minimal food stamps, no transportation, and low income housing in a high crime area. Do they see her tears at night when she cries for her little ones? I am in amazement at all of this, so when I start to think my situation is bad I’m humbled at the lives of others that share the struggle.

I did not mean to get as deep as I just did, but I’ve lived my life in a lot of these situations. When I was homeless, I was also an addict. I was a shadow, no one saw me. I do have to admit some people showed me kindness, and I’m grateful. But mostly I was a shadow, at 3 am I remember digging through a garbage can looking for food and was happy to find a “McDonalds” bag with a half-eaten hamburger and a few cold fries. I would shoplift clothes, hygiene, food, even my drug.

You see, I was a huffer, and I huffed “spraypaint”. My life was hell, mostly it was just sad and I would get high to forget and dull the pain. I knew I had a problem, but to get real help cost money or you had to have insurance. I didn’t have anything. Some nights I would just cry. I did bullshit crimes, like, B&E “Breaking and Entering”. I wouldn’t even steal anything, then I’d go to jail or prison. The cycle continued.

It was all I knew. Success was something that I knew not, but it was easy to fail, so fail I did. I didn’t even know I had mental health problems, but all & all, today I’m a better person. My mind is way different and set on a better future. So. . .

You asked about the mental health pod. Well, we do some fun things sometimes, like we play bingo for prizes on Friday, or we do arts and crafts. We have cards, checkers, chess, Uno cards. Other than that it’s still jail. It’s also a lower population than the other blocks so it is a lot less stressful to me, anyway. I have anxiety and paranoia, the pod is still new and they say more things will come down the line.

You also asked what things IOA could do for us to make it better in here. Support is major knowing someone is thinking about you. That’s why I was talking about mail, that’s also why I asked for more people to write. That’s just me though, I’d like to meet more people and network a little.

Another big thing I know a lot of guys don’t get is money. It’s hard to sit around and watch all the guys that get canteen when it comes and they eat cookies, honey buns, candy, etc. And plus the hygiene they give you is shitty and they have deodorant and other products on canteen. They also have a care package you can send inmates at i-caregifting.com. It’s just something that I know guys struggle with. I know I do, who don’t like a snack once in a while. I’m sure you heard of how shitty the food is (haha).

Well man, I guess this is it until next time. . .

Wallace Eubanks

Hello P,

This is D, whom you wrote to through Inside-Outside Alliance. I wanted to express my thankfulness for your concern, I am humbled. This is very overwhelming at times and I thank God for a loving family. I have lost a lot of things, relationships, time, sleep – but God has sent some people right when you need it. When you allow the devil or arrogance to make bad decisions, to me, I can’t blame anyone. Being black or poor does not make you lose freedom, peace, family and love. Life is a decision (sin).

No complaints, but I am very thankful. The sheriff is in need of replacement (just like the dead, over-priced batteries that Commissary sells). Sheriffs can’t rise people but he can allow the Life Skills program (taught by the Durham Literacy Council) to be open to all the jail and the program for youth offenders and recovery to be jail-wide, something else beside STAR for recovery from drugs, poor decisions, sex, anger, etc…Instead of being like Thomas Clayton (TomTom), who admitted to nothing but crime. Also, during this election, don’t forget the District Attorney (who has to go even though is black), like a true hypocrite who doesn’t benefit anyone righteous except their self. With a 90 percent conviction rate, 5 years to TomTom of being there but 2 years without concrete involvement, give us freedom or in God we Trust….Devil and his lawyers with a waiting game to convict, or be censored in the process by GlobalTel (what, can I get a contact with God for good behavior?)

Pray you preach that,

Hope to hear more,

D. Q.

(Caveat: IOA publishes articles written by those locked up in the Durham County Jail whether or not those articles align with IOA values and politics. The following article expresses an individual’s concerns, not IOA’s)

Dear friends,

As far as we know, you are trying to protect black inmates in the Durham Detention facility. Would you like to protect white ones tooo? We want to tell you about discrimination against white female inmates in this jail…

On of us speaks. “Everything started a long time ago. I had an opportunity to observe this from the beginning. My white cellmate asked the black CO to give her some toilet paper and got denied because she is white.” The IOA newsletter already published this fact – thanks! Then a lot of unpleasant things happened and I asked my black social worker what she thinks about racism against whites. She said: many many complaints.

Did you see a white member of rugbee team female?

Our black inmates use unlimited freedom even in jail: they can speak with teh CO from 1pm to 4pm while other women are locked up. They are doing each others hair, screaming, dancing, singing, and such 24-7 – always ! They don’t care if some white idiots (name for us) by them want to sleep – enjoy! I wanted to talk about this problem with many officers here, but they are always busy for this conversation.

Today, a group of white inmates was trying to watch TV but couldn’t. Black girls were especially demonstratively rude and loud. If girls of white colour would behave like that they would be locked up immediately for sure and not for 1 day.

So it was the last drop that made our cup overfull and we decided to write you.

God Bless

What’s up C—-,

Well as you know I am a inmate in Durham County Jail, I’ve been in & out jails & prisons since I was 16 years old. I’m tired 36 years young ready to break the chain. Durham County has been good to me programs, loving nurses, caring officers. I value my life, and some times I get hot headed, can be mean, and I will fight when coming off the streets on drugs angry I’m locked up. I don’t blame no one but myself. Sometimes officers can be uptight 0-tolerance meaning they’re not going to take any shit. Their jobs consist on protecting inmates & detainees making sure everyone’s safe, and jail is ran in a orderly respectful manner.

Sometimes officers aren’t so good we argue, come to a standoff of power & pride. They should be professional at all times, but they are only humans. These last two incarcerations has been hell officers has been mean to me, and I have said mean things and talked some shit but only after the way I been treated. I think the DO’s seek revenge. I must de-escalate these problems. Honestly, I don’t hate them, like I’ve been in some fucked up situations. Some DO’s take the time to listen to my problems, all DO’s aren’t bad, crooked, or corrupt, cool with the old school players new jacks just like these street punks in jail I pray for every one don’t want to fight or be misunderstood.

Closing I just wanted to share my feelings about some things I don’t want any trouble for the good DO’s just making sure I’m not hurt and the DO’s that are mad hopefully they will try to get over whatever I said or did. Cause I’m by myself here powerless under the officers will. I’m leaving Durham whenever I’m released on a quest to get a better life. I wish you the best. Keep doing what you’re doing for yourself cause we can’t change everyone, but we can change & control our actions, neither one of use should live in hate so let’s forgive & pray for those peoples that just don’t understand us hope to hear from you shortly. Stay strong.

Exodus 20:1-17

Hebrew 9: 11-15

Revelation 21 & 22 ch.

Thank you for your letter. It gave me some hope, because I was loosing it. My son Amir was born today at 1:56am, so I am happy, but I’m hurting on the inside because I’m not there to hold him. I am supposed to go to court on April 3. I would love for you to be at my next court date. I would love to attend [IOA] meetings and support IOA in any way, because the system paints a picture like we are monsters and not human. I love the idea about abolishing bail because it’s outrageous. I never had these charges before, but my bail is $255,000, which I would never be able to post. All I want to do is be productive in the world by working – if I get a job – supporting IOA, and raising my son, but I don’t know how this will play out, but I hope and pray they give me another chance. Lord knows I will not come back here. This is not the place I want to be, so please help me before I lose it. I like to cook so can you send me some material on that, and something about success, and how to progress in society. Thank you again for listening to me. I really appreciate it. Please continue to pray that I get thru this and another chance, so I can be a father – that’s the most important thing I want to do. Please.

Thank you.

At times I’m stressed,

oppressed and I digress only

to become depressed,

pain not

for the benefit of gain, for

all in vain have I slain

the memories that haunt this

troubled brain,

love in my

heart, yet inside my blood

is blue, like sad jazz

songs that you know are true,

oh. . . what to do. . . what to

dooo,

When you live you die slow,

each day the more know,

and end the end you still go.

I wish to be a bird to only

fly away, to run astray,

to live for only a worm, nest

and the sun to rise the

next day

By:

Wallace Eubanks

I hope you & others will write and continue to write me. It would inspire and give me hope knowing that real people care about my person, not the charge or number beside it! You may use my letters as you see fit only if it’s in a positive way, you can use my name as well. I do have a strong testimony and if it would help others in some way then please use it.

As I have told you before in my last letter I am in the mental health pod. It does have its advantages, yet my mind is still conflicted. I am doing much better than when I first came in, the mental health staff is limited due to the fact that this is still jail and we still inmates, mostly my concerns are more toward the courts. This system is not considerate to the situation in which the crime or offense happened. It is extremely robotic. Early in my childhood I struggled mentally, school was hard I did not learn as others did. They “labeled” me “learning disabled” and A.D.H.D. They put me on meds but I still struggled. At 12 they sent me to a wilderness program. When I got out I still had problems, started using drugs and drinking. At 18 I had my first real run in with the courts, ever since, event till now I’ve been in and out of jails and mental institutions. A lot of it came from not having insurance or money to get my meds or go to a good rehab. From the outside looking in on my life I just looked like a thug who lives a criminal lifestyle. It could not be seen in any other light. My family understands but I’m still a disappointment to them. I have tattoos of teardrops under my eyes, not because I’m a thug or whatever, but to show the world the pain they don’t seem to see inside, the tears I cry when no one one sees. When I do get into trouble with the laws that I’ve broken they don’t see the reason or the why or even offer to help. I sit in jail and wait. . . wait. . . wait until they throw me a plea that I take to be done with the mess. Now my record on paper or in the computer system looks like the criminal thug person that they think me to be. No help was ever offered, the mental health that I struggled with seemed a joke to them. What if me or my family had substantial amounts of money, would things be different? Do I even have to answer that question? Yes, all in all I did do a lot to get into trouble, but what no one knows but me and the courts, a lot of my charges were trumped up, and with only the aid of a court appointed attorney, who is paid by the same government as the D.A. Everyone wins but me. I again do not claim to be totally innocent of these crimes, I just don’t understand how no one truly stands up for me. Who? No one cares about the truth of the situation in the court system. Where is my justice, do you know why I committed the first crime I was charged with? The home I lived in with my dad, we had no lights and ate whatever food we ate out of a cooler, wore dirty clothes. Yes I know it’s still no excuse to do what I did, but in my mind I did not understand or remember the morals I was taught as a kid.

So I acted on the need of my house, in an inappropriate way. Next door, my neighbor was well-off and I had heard someone had already stole $400.00 cash from inside the house. I did, and continued to go into his home and stole large sums of money and goods, not all at once but over 16 times in a month. I used the money for us at home but was soon caught, my first conviction was to three breaking and enterings, three felonies. I did the crime, I plead guilty, I was.

Afterward life was still hard for me mentally. I could not hold a job and my relationships fell apart. I had become addicted to huffing “spray paint”. It along with my mental health destroyed my life. I lived on the streets, I stole food, clothes, soap, “spray paint”, and everything I thought I needed. Often I’d go to a mental hospital, then I’d be released but had no to get my meds. I’d break into buildings for shelter or for strange reasons. No one offered help, just jail. Now I have a robbery charge for smashing windows and hitting a parked cable truck while workers watched. I threw tools out of the truck & drunk an energy drink that was one of the worker’s, then got into the truck and drove off.

I’ve been here for a year behind this. Who will help me this time? More trumped up charges, more profiling, more robotic and heartless court procedures, no emotion, no concern other than a conviction of another trumped up charges. My lawyer is a good one I truly believe but I feel even her hands are tied when it comes to me, C—. . . Thank you for writing me, please write me soon and ask if anyone else would like to write as well. My social network is dead. I want to meet others of the same mind as myself, to grow to like life and enjoy the time we still have.

I wish the world were different, less hate and lack of love, lost in self and the little world they created around them. Thank you again for your letter. Please write soon, my mind needs more positivity and release from brick walls and steel locked doors. I will be pleased from anyone who writes and I’ll respond to every letter.

Thanks again,

Wallace Eubanks