I hope you & others will write and continue to write me. It would inspire and give me hope knowing that real people care about my person, not the charge or number beside it! You may use my letters as you see fit only if it’s in a positive way, you can use my name as well. I do have a strong testimony and if it would help others in some way then please use it.
As I have told you before in my last letter I am in the mental health pod. It does have its advantages, yet my mind is still conflicted. I am doing much better than when I first came in, the mental health staff is limited due to the fact that this is still jail and we still inmates, mostly my concerns are more toward the courts. This system is not considerate to the situation in which the crime or offense happened. It is extremely robotic. Early in my childhood I struggled mentally, school was hard I did not learn as others did. They “labeled” me “learning disabled” and A.D.H.D. They put me on meds but I still struggled. At 12 they sent me to a wilderness program. When I got out I still had problems, started using drugs and drinking. At 18 I had my first real run in with the courts, ever since, event till now I’ve been in and out of jails and mental institutions. A lot of it came from not having insurance or money to get my meds or go to a good rehab. From the outside looking in on my life I just looked like a thug who lives a criminal lifestyle. It could not be seen in any other light. My family understands but I’m still a disappointment to them. I have tattoos of teardrops under my eyes, not because I’m a thug or whatever, but to show the world the pain they don’t seem to see inside, the tears I cry when no one one sees. When I do get into trouble with the laws that I’ve broken they don’t see the reason or the why or even offer to help. I sit in jail and wait. . . wait. . . wait until they throw me a plea that I take to be done with the mess. Now my record on paper or in the computer system looks like the criminal thug person that they think me to be. No help was ever offered, the mental health that I struggled with seemed a joke to them. What if me or my family had substantial amounts of money, would things be different? Do I even have to answer that question? Yes, all in all I did do a lot to get into trouble, but what no one knows but me and the courts, a lot of my charges were trumped up, and with only the aid of a court appointed attorney, who is paid by the same government as the D.A. Everyone wins but me. I again do not claim to be totally innocent of these crimes, I just don’t understand how no one truly stands up for me. Who? No one cares about the truth of the situation in the court system. Where is my justice, do you know why I committed the first crime I was charged with? The home I lived in with my dad, we had no lights and ate whatever food we ate out of a cooler, wore dirty clothes. Yes I know it’s still no excuse to do what I did, but in my mind I did not understand or remember the morals I was taught as a kid.
So I acted on the need of my house, in an inappropriate way. Next door, my neighbor was well-off and I had heard someone had already stole $400.00 cash from inside the house. I did, and continued to go into his home and stole large sums of money and goods, not all at once but over 16 times in a month. I used the money for us at home but was soon caught, my first conviction was to three breaking and enterings, three felonies. I did the crime, I plead guilty, I was.
Afterward life was still hard for me mentally. I could not hold a job and my relationships fell apart. I had become addicted to huffing “spray paint”. It along with my mental health destroyed my life. I lived on the streets, I stole food, clothes, soap, “spray paint”, and everything I thought I needed. Often I’d go to a mental hospital, then I’d be released but had no to get my meds. I’d break into buildings for shelter or for strange reasons. No one offered help, just jail. Now I have a robbery charge for smashing windows and hitting a parked cable truck while workers watched. I threw tools out of the truck & drunk an energy drink that was one of the worker’s, then got into the truck and drove off.
I’ve been here for a year behind this. Who will help me this time? More trumped up charges, more profiling, more robotic and heartless court procedures, no emotion, no concern other than a conviction of another trumped up charges. My lawyer is a good one I truly believe but I feel even her hands are tied when it comes to me, C—. . . Thank you for writing me, please write me soon and ask if anyone else would like to write as well. My social network is dead. I want to meet others of the same mind as myself, to grow to like life and enjoy the time we still have.
I wish the world were different, less hate and lack of love, lost in self and the little world they created around them. Thank you again for your letter. Please write soon, my mind needs more positivity and release from brick walls and steel locked doors. I will be pleased from anyone who writes and I’ll respond to every letter.