“The sexual sadism comes from guards pushing their weight around…”

Got your letter today and would love for you to share anything with anyone. My Art and writing represents an attitude of defiance I hope. I am in the fight. write all kinds of people trying to stir the pot. The men and fellow anarchists inside have a saying, “They cannot eat me.” They can take all I have in here but they will never take my spirit. All the things they allow us like basketball and T.V. for example are just tools used against us. They label it privilege so that they have power over it. “Be god or your T.V. will be taken.” Fuck that T.V.. The really wrong shit is visit and phone is a “privilege”. That should not be. I hav enot lostmy temper yet so I have all privileges. I treat them as fleeting. This way when they take them it hurts less. I can write forever but let me answer your questions.

I am an alcoholic and have bi-polar which only shows when I am sober I guess and I am not sure I have been diagnosed properly. How can I be diagnosed under duress? In a fucking cage with no sunlight or grass or nature. Not health environment to begin with. Went to Starr. A good program but no follow up. Some leave from Starr and get housing in Oxford houses or somewhere. That’s good. There are no AA meetings in Durham Jail, I have no idea why. Jail does not give a shit whether you live or die. They damn sure don’t worry about AA or recidivism or anything. Most of these guards are mean, hurt people. People of low character. I need some help but the couts don’t care. They just give me time.

The sexual sadism comes from guards pushing their weight around and making searches uncomfortable by yelling while you strip. Benging over and coughing. I had a guard tell me I wasn’t coughing hard enough. I told him he was fucking crazy if he thought something would fly out if I coughed anyway. If that was the case I would be wearing a diaper. They watch while you go #2. Most people put a little tissue flag up to kind of warn people they shitting. You can tell the odd C.O.s by they’re need to interrupt you and tell you to take tissue flag down. Officers remarking on your appearance is gross. Fucking sickos. They take- or steal I should say- the left over seasoning from the soup packs. They know we save it to seasons the garbage on the trays. During searches, they sling all our stuff around the cells for kciks. I swear. When there is no need. They have started this book exchange program. Basically when I get friends or family to mail books in, they keep them in my property and I can come down and exchange one I have read for a new one. Problem is Officer Faison leads it and is only one to be allowed t get books. He is never here they say. It is torturous knowing I have books and can’t get the, because of this idiotic program. One guy taking people one at a time to change books is absurd. He would do that half the day. Instead he just says, “fuck it I just will do it at my leisure”. If they wanna prison run it like one. Give me my books with the mail. What the fuck are they worried about. I feel like that is tampering with my mail anyway. They have already lost one of my books. Long story. I don’t have proof on paper so it never happened to hear them tell it. I don’t know who owns jails anymore. Not these idiots. Bitch please, you are oppressed just as we are. The sick part is they don’t see it. Even worse they are physically locking doors on their neighbors, us. Very sad really if think about it.

…Incarceration has compounded my mental health issues and addiction issues times ten. All I want is a job and a bed an a little time to persue my interests. That truly seems unattainable. I am reading a book on Alcoholism called: Under the Influences. Good book. Myth: craving for alcohol can be offset by eating high sugary foods. Reality: Foods with high sugar content will increase the alcoholic’s depression, irritability, and tension and intensify his desire for a drink to relieve these symptoms.

No wonder I wanna drink. This hello hole only feeds us carbs and junk. My cravings stay out the roof. I have never wanted to use so much. I never though diet affected it that much but now I am a firm believer…

Please post and always include my name, and Long Live the Guerrilla if possible…
…Not letting a man sit in sunshine or walk in it is wrong. Let fat Mcrory’s sorry ass come sit in here. All these sorry ass politicians will go a round with me in hell one day. Sick of it. Thanks for your time.

-D. Davis

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