‘My time here has shown me what the state makes’

Oct. 23, 2014

Hey —,
A letter recently wrote to my co-d was intercepted and read. I found out he took a plea, but he took it almost immediately after I said I’d take one. It made me feel like as soon as I gave up he did, too. I feel I failed him. I read our previous letters and I almost tear up because of everything we are betraying, mainly ourselves. Plus, now he has to face immigration…Where he will be disowned and forced to live in poverty. But, hey that’s justice right, long as he plead guilty? No one seems to care and it sickens me. It drives me to the point to where I want to react violently because violence gets a point across, no matter the consequences.

My time here has shown me what the state makes. It breeds hatred and disappointment in us to the point of not caring what we do. A viscous cycle of rinse and repeat crime. Very few really want to help. IOA certainly does, but it ends there. If more people really did then these c.o.s would be shown as the oppressors they are and reformation would take place. The public has too much of a mindset of, “Oh, a criminal, he deserves it” or “It’s not truly that bad.” Maybe it isn’t but I don’t believe we as humans, that project the idea of equality, should be treated as lesser value. Maybe that’s a very fragile foundation, but I can’t help but feel empathy for my fellow species in struggle. I don’t know what path to take. Though I’ve prayed earnestly and believe I got my answer, I’m not positive. Not anyone understands it’s not about being a felon, that’s just another obstacle to say I’ve overcome, but about what I’m giving up. How free would I really be on probation? How free are we really at any given time? I’m glad to have the opportunity to know struggle, no matter how mediocre. There’s just so much more in life than this, the right now. I know when I get beyond this my outlook might improve, but as of now I’m in limbo. I appreciate the kind words about the collage and staying who I am. Yet I feel I still haven’t found myself and that the state is trying to take that away from me. I’m not trying to do bad. They just want to refine me. Reminds me of the song ‘Between Insects and Angels’ by Papa Roach. Wherever I go I pray I’m just still alive. A feat in which a beating heart has nothing to do with.

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